Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
