Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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