Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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