1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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