I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
