She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
