i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
