My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
