I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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