My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
