Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
