Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
