i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
