the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
