watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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