why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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