We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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