I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
