this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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