Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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