So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
