I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
