The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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