I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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