Do you still have your period?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
