What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
