I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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