Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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