the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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