So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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