My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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