Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
