Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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