don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
