After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
