You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
