I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
