i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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