I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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