I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We named our party play list daddy issues
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
