i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
