life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
