R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
