Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
