I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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