I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
