If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
