I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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