Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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