community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
