We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
