We're facebook friends in real life
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
