Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
