I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
