She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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