How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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