I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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