in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
