yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
