You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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