and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
