11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
