a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
