peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize