its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
